Paradise
by Denizen Of Madness
Summary: ""Your son IS a cheeseburger!" I cried back!" Crack.


Lucas sat on the living room couch in his small, humble, home in Twinleaf Town. After an epic world-spanning adventure, topped by defeating one of the most evil trolls in history, the boy decided to take a break from his travels and get some r&r. So that's what he was doing. Well, that, and avoiding Cynthia and her unholy, trollish, vengeance.

So he sat on his couch, watching some mindless program about the idiots at Virbank Shore. Yes, it was a mindless mess starring pathetic wastes of human life, but it was still entertaining to watch. It was just so hilarious to see what idiocy would happen. It was just him and his TV this peaceful afternoon.

Of course that peace was shattered the moment the doorbell rang. Normally, his mother would answer it, but she took his team to the groomers earlier. Lucas got up off the couch, and walked briskly to the door, opening it with one swift movement.

"What the-!?" Lucas looked out the door way to see -much to his surprise- a cheeseburger with all the trimmings about ten feet in height. "Barry, if this is one of your jokes, I swear I'm gonna-"

"Silence, child!"

"Wait, who said that?"

"You don't recognize me, Lucas? It's understandable, I suppose. I have changed so much since out last encounter."

"Hold on a second... I know that voice from somewhere... Oh, no. Not you!" Horrified, Lucas realized who he was speaking to. He had dreaded the man ever since he first met him on his journey, and he dreaded him even now. Lucas thought that he was finally rid of him when the portal to the Distortion World closed.

Unsavory, squishy noises emanated from the burger as it twitched and shook wildly. Two eyelid like flaps opened up, revealing, well, eyes. A thin, crack-like line appeared under it. Lucas felt his stomach try to digest itself in fear, for he faced the one being in all the universe, besides Cynthia, he feared. He stared into the permanently scowling face of the former leader of Team Galactic, Cyrus.

"Y-you! W-what happened t-to you?! Wh-what d-do you want f-fr-from me?!"

"Ah, very tricky questions indeed. I will start from the beginning. You see, after the whole "trying to destroy the universe" debacle, I found myself thinking about my actions and how easily my ambitions were crushed. I mulled over it for some time you see, and I came to a realization. I was wrong to pursue the destruction of emotion. I was wrong to try to destroy the universe. So, when I found a small hole in the fabric of reality, I decided to enter it and reenter the real world. The reason? To thank you, Lucas. For stopping me."

"Er...Y-you're welcome? B-but that doesn't really answer why you're a giant cheeseburger."

"I was getting to that. You see, at the moment of my departure, I had a cheeseburger in my back pocket. I don't know how it got there. Perhaps some grunt thought it would be humorous to plant a cheeseburger there. Anyway, the energies that connect our two world struck me in some freak accident, and I had some fused with- no, became the cheeseburger. AT first, I was disgusted with myself for what I've become. One moment, I was a man, the next, I was something else entirely."

"Er... I'm sorry to hear that."

"But thanks to weeks of therapy, I have come to accept myself for who I am! I am a cheeseburger, hear me roar!"

"Okay..."

"But you should have seen how my parents reacted. "Our son isn't a cheeseburger!" They cried! "Your son IS a cheeseburger!" I cried back!"

"Good for you. Now, if you excuse me, I need to go lie down," Lucas held a hand to his forehead and turned around to enter his house. He felt like he walked into a novel written by William Burroughs.

"Wait, Lucas! I have yet to properly thank you!" A tendril made of beef shot out from Cyrus, and wrapped itself around Lucas' abdomen. Cyrus pulled the meaty appendage, and by extension Lucas, toward him.

"What the-?! No no no no no!" Lucas dug his heels in the ground in a vain attempt to anchor himself. He failed. He soon found himself by Cyrus' side, several more beef tentacles wrapping around his limbs."Please, don't! I've seen enough anime to know what you're going to do! Please! I'm begging you! Don't do it, man!"

"Do not fear, Lucas. I am merely thanking you. I'm going to take you to paradise! Cheeseburger paradise, that is! On Cheeseburger Planet!" The rocket boosters on Cyrus' bottom bun ignited, carrying the two into the air and blasted off into space. Lucas kept screaming for help, but his efforts were futile, as no one heard them.

* * *

From a distance of about a mile, the former Sinnoh Champion, Cynthia looked on gleefully at another of her trollish plots coming to fruition. That would show that brat Lucas that there could be only one champion of Sinnoh, and that was her, Cynthia. She would rule this region as its champion now and forever! She began to cackle madly as ominous Latin chanting sounded from what seemed to be nowhere in particular.

Now, for the next item on her agenda. Where would Dawn be this time of day?

* * *

**A/N: Before you ask, no, I was not on drugs when I wrote this.  
**


End file.
